Why I Stopped Drinking Alcohol
My 20 year old self would have laughed in disbelief at the mere thought of me writing this. A decade ago, I would have never believed that I would live a life free from alcohol and ACTUALLY ENJOY IT!
Drinking alcohol is such a societal norm and when you’re the person who’s not drinking at a party or event, it can sometimes feel really uncomfortable. It can be easy to feel like you’re not part of the group or feeling left out when you’re not drinking. Everyone congratulates people when they stop using drugs, moving more or eating better but, somehow, that doesn’t apply to alcohol.
I’m writing this when many people are coming to the end of Dry January and, either feeling a certain relief to be able to drink again, or feeling really good being alcohol-free. Wherever you are on your relationship with alcohol, whether you really want to make a change or are just sober curious, I wanted to help break down all of those barriers and share my personal experience. If you are someone who drinks regularly or really enjoys drinking, this is not about being sober or about judging anyone. The intent of this post is to share a lifestyle that has, without a doubt, raised every vibrational frequency in my life and I feel this is a great opportunity for you to take stock of your habits and take a deep-dive into what you choose to come back to. Especially if you’ve just completed a month living alcohol-free, you can now just go back to old habits mindlessly or you can take stock of how you feel and make a conscious decision on how you want to move forward.
It’s important to be curious about who we are, to get to know ourselves and understanding the things that make us feel more at peace. That includes the tools that you resort to when you’re celebrated, when you’re dealing with bad news, feel anxious or bored. Use this as a moment to look in the mirror and really see and know who’s looking back at you.
I can honestly tell you that I’ve never felt more content with myself. I feel centred through all the things that come my way and, even thorough chaos, I can find calm in my life and I know that not drinking has just enhanced and elevated every single aspect of myself and the person that I’m continuing to become.
But it hasn’t always been like this. I’ve never had a drinking problem or identify my experience as an addiction however, I used drinking as a way to belong, to please others and as a distraction from the darkness I was experiencing. Alcohol was a major part of my lifestyle in my 20s - I used to go out almost every day and every weekend without fail I’d get drunk. At that time | was going through an abusive relationship which lasted 6 years. I also didn’t have the awareness of the childhood trauma I was carrying and so I was just following the pack, doing what the people around me were doing. Partially because I didn’t know myself but also because I desperately wanted to belong.
I didn’t like the feeling of being wasted or the versions of me that sometimes came out during these situations. Because of everything that was happening in my life and how unsafe I felt, I sometimes would get really angry when I was drunk. I never got into a physical fight or anything dramatic but many arguments and drama could have been avoided. I felt like a different person when I was drinking and, sometimes it was good fun, other times I didn’t like that version of myself. On top of that, I didn’t like what it did to my physical health; I would eat really unhealthily after a night out (many times binge eating) as well as the day after if I didn’t feel too sick to be able to stomach food.
When I ended that relationship, and later moved to a country almost 3000km away, I wasn’t going out as much but still didn’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol and even one glass of wine started having a horrible impact on how I felt the day after. There was also a lot of research showing how alcohol increases the risk of breast cancer in women, as well as the risk for most chronic diseases. It started to become clear that drinking just wasn’t worth it anymore.
In 2017, I experienced a deep awakening which jumpstarted all the healing and health that I have invited into my life. I knew then that, if I was serious about healing my childhood trauma and the effects of my past relationships, I needed to eliminate anything in my life that knocked me out of balance or didn’t support me in showing up as my most clear, centred self.
I didn’t have a plan for never drinking again but, each time I was presented with the choice of drinking alcohol (e.g. a party or meal out), I stopped and reflected on whether it was worth it to drink or not. Time after time, I consciously chose not to drink and the more I did this the more I realised how most of the time I was drinking to please the people I was around. To be a part of the crowd. When I didn’t drink, I didn’t feel the need for it so I kept living in that flow which has led me to this point now, where I have of not drank for over 4 years.
Many of us hold on to things that no longer serve us because of what other people may think. If you are considering living a life free from alcohol, you might, for example, be concerned that other people will think you’re quitting because you have an addiction or a “problem” with alcohol. Going against what most people are doing can leave us feeling vulnerable or even generate conflict because of how our decisions might make other people feel about themselves.
At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone an explanation around why you’re not drinking, so don’t feel that you have to announce it if you don’t feel safe discussing it with certain people in your life. When you first make that decision and commitment to yourself your friends might keep offering you alcohol (and most times they don’t do it out of malice), but as you continue to honour your needs and desires, they will eventually stop suggesting it. If people in your life challenge this decision to better yourself and your life, this is in itself something to look at and reflect on who you are choosing to surround yourself with. If the people that you choose to be around are not lifting you up and elevating you to be the best version you can possibly be, you might want to get clearer on your boundaries and priorities.
There are so many incredible alcohol-free alternatives nowadays and most restaurants and bars stock these so it has become easier to still enjoy time with friends without feeling the pressure to drink. If you’ve been invited to someone’s home, bring your own alcohol-free drink with you. If usually you only see your friends or family in an environment that revolves around alcohol, suggest something different like a morning walk and coffee. I have used this strategy many times and it has brought more joy and meaning to the time I spent with my friends.
If this post has spoken to you and you’re sober curious, a good place to start is to reflect on the things that make you feel good and make you want to jump out of bed in the morning. Does waking up early in the morning and heading out for a walk or yoga class make you feel better than a day at home nursing a hangover? Is more energy and a better mood more important than a night out drinking? When you get clear and honest with yourself on how you want to show up in your life, the easier it will be to make choices that align with this vision and to walk away from anything that doesn’t.
Trust me, that’s when life gets good!
If you’re working on redefining your relationship with alcohol, here are some tips that might help:
instead of focusing on what you’re missing out on, focus on why you’re doing it and everything you can gain from it (e.g. improved health, no hangovers, more energy, money, etc.)
let go of the limiting belief that you cannot have/be fun without alcohol
surround yourself with people who support you
find alternative drink options that feel authentic to you
explore new ways of winding down (e.g. start a new sport/ hobby)
For additional literature in this topic, I recommend:
“Quit Like a Woman” by Holly Whitaker
“Sober Curious” by Ruby Warrington
If anyone is reading this and struggling with addiction please consult the alcohol support available on the NHS website. We’re sending love to anyone having a hard time with addiction.
